Being Grown-ish

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Hi welcome to being with bailey, a podcast about being un apologized for yourself from the perspective of being a black woman at a P.

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W.

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I.

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This is a platform for me to encourage and support women of color on campus by expressing relatability and prompting a sense of camaraderie.

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I'm your host, bailey skeeter and I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

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Hey, y'all, welcome back.

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Thank you so much for tuning in with me Today.

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Today is a topic that I often struggle with and just understanding even how to approach where I'm at, how I'm feeling kind of what the hell is going on.

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So I'm really excited today to bring you an episode about being grown ish as college students.

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Even for my listeners that aren't being in this kind of middle of the pack, you're not a teenager anymore, you kind of are, you have to go back and forth with your parents, things like that is something that I can honestly relate to.

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I'm currently a graduating senior, I have about three months left in my undergraduate degree.

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and I'm sitting here at 21 years old and there's a lot of times that I still feel 16 years old in the head.

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And so I wanted to take time to talk about emerging adulthood and what young adults have to go through and struggle with.

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I wanted to spend time on today's episode discussing what it's like being an emergent adult coming out of adolescence and really blossoming into a full grown woman.

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I hate this middle.

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this feeling of, not a child, but not quite an adult that is unfortunately what a lot of people experience within this emerging adulthood, let's talk about what an emerging adult actually is.

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And I know for myself, like I said, I can definitely relate.

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I feel like I've been in this in between for quite some time, but it is normally indicated, but for those in the years 18 to 25 26 sort of like this middle ground where it's like you're like a mid machine before you're not quite an adult, but you're not a child either.

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You definitely can sit at the big kids table at thanksgiving.

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And so within this age range, it's more than not typical for individuals to struggle with identity instability.

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Being self focused, feeling the feelings of being stuck and in between and also the opportunities for new possibilities to occur.

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I feel like a lot of people just related to what I just said in the sense of struggling with, you know who you are and who you want to be and the feeling of not being permanent.

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Like I don't have a career yet, I don't kind of know where I'm going to be at in the next 2 to 3 years.

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And so really just being intentional about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it is something that I wanted to talk about in today's episode.

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It's really funny because a lot of my friends when we're going out and things like that and I've talked about this too in my year of Yes, that we're never going to be able for those of us that are in this age frame To experience this much freedom, not having the responsibility of a 9-5, not having kids to worry about and not having mortgages, rent, utilities, I haven't seen a bill, don't got my name on it yet.

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And so this is the youngest version of yourself that you're ever going to be even sitting here now.

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You're not as young as you were five minutes ago.

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So it's a mindset that I think is a little dangerous, like I said, we've played this game before, but in understanding that you have so much to live for.

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I think it's something that's good to know.

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It's really interesting though.

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I know like when I was younger, like even like in like younger, like I'm still very young When I was like 15, 16, if you asked me what I thought my twenties were going to look like I would tell you I was going to be married by 26, I was going to my first child by 27, I was going to be able to really have a very nice wedding, I was going to be in a job full time, all of these things and I think that that was of course influenced by how my parents started their family And what I guess came out as a result, but girl at 21 that is not the same story and maybe it's inspired or influenced by the pandemic that we've all terribly had to suffer through or just, you know, inflation eggs being $10 right now.

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now as I'm entering the year: 2023

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We're in february.

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I'm excited to hold my diploma up and walk across the stage, but I'm not thinking anything about, you know, marriage, Children owning a home, I'm really excited about traveling, I'm really excited about even going back to school and learning a bit more building my own business.

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Like there are so many different things that I didn't see for myself until I feel like having taste of adulthood and what it's like to cook for yourself every single night.

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I see why doordash and all of that has been like billion dollar ideas.

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It gets tiring that adult stuff is not cool.

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I can't believe as a kid, I used to be like, I want to be adult, I can't wait to do this, I can't wait to do that.

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I'm here and it sucks, it sucks, take me back to third grade now and so It's something that's really nice in retrospect that, you know, it's not everything I wanted to be, but I'm in control of what I want this to look like and so definitely in coming to my own and even using this podcast as an opportunity to build my identity and who I want to be.

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It's it's a focus that allows for me to build habits for myself, build confidence for myself and the person 10 year old Bailey wanted her to be.

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so it's, it's such a, it's such a nice opportunity to look back and definitely have perspective on, I mentioned before that it's been a journey for me to understand that being focused on yourself isn't selfish, that comes from me being the oldest of my siblings, really a provider and a lot of the relationships that I am in, in the sense of friends, my parents, my relationship with my boyfriend, but this is a time for you to really be selfish and I think that before and even for me now, like just coming to terms with it, being selfish is not a bad thing and if anything, it better prepares you to provide and help others because you are self aware, you're aware of what makes you take when your social battery is low, just things like that, that are very, that will allow for you to show up in a new number of different spaces, not really being impacted by one's actions and such because you have built such a firm system because you understand how you work and external factors have no control over that.

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The feeling of in between.

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I for some reason I thought that I could ride this college wave out and everything would be, you know, rainbows and sprinkles, sugar and spice and everything nice, but it really has been difficult and in coming into the daunting post grad situation, it's something where I've never felt more like I'm just floating in gravity and I'm trying to get somewhere, but ultimately just going in circles situation for me and it's really like I said, allowed for me to spend time with myself and understand what I want to get out of life, what I find a purpose in and exploring that has really exploring that has been beneficial in a number of different ways.

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And so because of that, in between this, not really knowing where things are about to go, I'm able to jump into a range of different opportunities, whether it be job wise, whether it be exploring new cities and just really putting myself out there.

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And so that's something that is a positive consequence of the feeling of not really knowing what's going on and where to go, how to go, I want to talk about The black effect of being in an emerging adulthood situation I know for me living at home and previously just coming up a break of being home for about a month and I have, I feel like my parents are never quite honestly going to look at me as an adult.

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My father says all the time that, you know, Oh, you're my little girl, just sat in the third is like that I'm 22, I'm sorry 21 coming up on 22.

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And so it's just really something in the, I feel like my household specifically that it's been a fight, it's been a battle for me to shake and look my parents in the eye and be like, I'm an adult, I know how to do things, I know how to get myself from A to B and I know how to be responsible.

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They raised me to be responsible.

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And so my argument has always been.

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So let me be the person you've raised me to be.

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And so it's definitely been difficult and I feel like with, you know, living home for a year and then on the flip side going away for six months, it's been a journey of kind of this ebb and pool where I get more responsibility, less responsibility and at the end of the day, sometimes I just had to take it.

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I'm just like, all right, I'll be back.

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There's sometimes the weirdness of the familiarity of being the child and not really having a say and kind of going with the flow of others and what others say.

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And so within that I really, well, I'm not going to say I have too much experience.

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My parents are definitely allowed for me and my siblings to be independent and voice our opinions.

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But in building some of those habits to transfer in situations like the workplace or issues with my professors and even just advocating for myself in different spaces.

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It's something I had to unlearn where I had to unlearn that I needed the approval of other people and I feel like that came from that not this stage of being in between, but trying to come into my own and not really be able to step out and make a name for myself without the support of my family.

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And so being able to look at yourself as an adult, you quite literally have to fake it till you make it for a long time.

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And it's quite, it's funny looking back now, it took me until my senior year of high school, to kind of pop that bubble of that adults also have no idea what's going on.

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They just have a better way of hiding it.

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And so as I'm emerging into this new role into this new decade for myself, honestly, my 20s, I'm being flexible and going with the flow.

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Of course everything isn't going to go my way.

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But if I am able to have a really solid approach and understand how my reaction is so much better when I'm not prepared, but my reactions are so much more informed when I'm able to be at peace with myself and understand that I don't need the approval of others.

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And so that was something to that I think has a lot more of an influence that I wanted to talk about as well.

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The living at home peace is not my favorite topic of discussion.

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I'm also in a juxtaposition.

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I either get into grad school or I stay home and work a year.

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And so it's something where it's just like a situation that I don't quite want.

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I'm not too sold on it.

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And of course, where I mentioned before the streets being mad, expensive sounds great, but the day to day nous of it, it just, I can't fathom, you know, not having the opportunity to, you know, bullshit in my dorm room, how I normally am and have a space that I can call my own.

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It's definitely something through discerning and taking time to understand what that experience could look like, freedoms and planned trips and opportunities to visit other friends in new areas will allow for me to be a bit more sane and have a bit of a better grip on the, what I'm ultimately, what my goals are, what, what I, what I want to do and that couldn't lead me more perfect into my, one of my last few segments of today about approaching emerging adulthood and how to kind of break away from being seen as a child, it really comes down to your long term and short term goals for me.

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Long term goals have always been something that's very daunting because it seems very concrete, like once I say that this is a goal, I can't change it, but it's a practice that I'm really trying to implement in giving myself something to look forward to in getting myself excited about the possibilities that can come from doing the small things now.

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And so going to the gym has really opened my eyes to that as well as like consistency first.

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And falling in love with the process will help me get to my, get the product, get my product will help me get the product, my end goal a lot faster and so just being able to set those goals with intentions of who I want future bailey to look like, what I want for future bailey, so within that you don't have to stay in that in between area and I think the answer through that is long term goals.

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Short term goals are also really good.

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I talked about this a little bit in the, what what are a few things that I want for myself for this upcoming year, Short term goals can be as short as a week from now to a couple hours from now, but it really allows for you to be focused and pinpoint specific things that can help you build, that can help you build towards even your long term goals and I really appreciated what I was able to do a few episodes back in being able to write it down and see it on a piece of paper within those goals.

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There are concrete action items and that's what I think of short term goals as I'm not going to lie for my long term goals, I'll say that again.

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So I have the action items, I want to record 20 podcasts, I record 20 podcasts, I'll be able to produce 20 podcasts and have a consistent following that will then allow for me and my long term goal of being asked to be on another podcast.

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And so it's really how one goal impacts and adds on to the other.

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That's something that I definitely would give advice to where it's hard, you get so stuck and like I said, the routine, the mundane nous, but you can give yourself something to look forward to.

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And so the goal settings were definitely something that I think can help with that feeling of in between being self focused and self oriented in building and supporting and uplifting a better version of yourself will be a great approach to difficulties and struggles within your identity and I think that there's so much room to grow and change.

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A lot of people are afraid of change, but hear me today and lean into that lean into that comfortable itty and so it's okay that you're no longer, you know, a teenager, you're no longer a child, but that adulthood is coming for you.

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And so it's so much better to be more prepared than unprepared.

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It's better to be prepared than not prepared at all.

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And so those are the things I'm going to leave you with today.

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Hopefully you were able to walk away with some things that will help you approach being a big grown ish in helping you make decisions for what's coming next.

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That's all I have for you guys today.

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Thank you so much for listening to another episode of being with bailey.